Surviving the first week back

We did it! We survived my first week back at work. It definitely wasn't easy, but it got better towards the end of the week. I was a little down though, because she was so fussy in the evenings and I began to feel like I'd never see her smile again! (Silly I know) But we just had the best weekend ever, and it makes it a little easier to go back to work tomorrow. Yesterday we just hung out inside - the weather was absolutely disgusting and we missed our morning walk - and played and played and played all day long. We got tons of belly laughs out of Alessia and she put up with all the kisses from mommy the kissie monster. She took one decent nap and I snuck out to get a pedicure with Danielle, which was much needed and enjoyed by us both. This morning the in-laws came down for brunch at the diner. Since it was such a beautiful day, we decided to walk there. I put Alessia in my batik ringsling, and hoofed it. She was great at the diner - actually stayed awake and cheerful (until she was hungry of course) and had some fun with nonnie and pop-pop. She's usually sleeping or in one of her cranky "I want mommy" moods when they see her, so this was a nice treat. I may not have gotten everything on my "to-do list" done, but I don't care. Alessia seemed so happy to stay home with us all weekend, I just had to eat it up.

Back to work in the morning and the exhaustion will set in again. But before we start the complaining again, here's a cute pic of my little "flashdancer" sporting her babylegs (a gift from Danielle and Eliza)
I'm a maniac, maniac on the floor. And I'm dancing like I've never danced before!

Day 2

We survived another day. Today went much better since Mark took Alessia to my mom's. I can deal with giving her a hug and kiss goodbye then putting her in daddy's car. I can get her off my mind a bit while I"m driving by myself to work. And she's having a blast at my mom's. Today she rolled over from back to tummy in front of a witness for the first time. We know she's done it during the night, but could never catch her in the act. That was cool, though I did feel a little sad that I had missed it. But it's okay, I've been there for every other first so far.
Update on the car: it's officially ghetto-fab. The door handle fell off in my hand this morning when I went to open the door. Apparently the piece the asshole took also keeps the handle from snapping off. Then when I got to my mom's in the afternoon, what was left of the lock chamber fell out onto the ground when I slammed the door. Wonderful. Mark's taking it to the insurance adjuster tomorrow then we can finally get it fixed and I don't have to feel like a hoodrat driving it around and parking it at work.
I'm freakin exhausted. Have I mentioned what time I get up in the morning?? Alessia has been waking up for a second feeding between 3:30 and 4 and my alarm goes off at 4:30. Fun. It's starting to catch up to me. But alas, I still can't go to sleep yet - I have to prep for tomorrow's fun fun lessons. Those kids better enjoy it!

WTF????!!!!!

I'll make this short, because I'm exhausted and going to head off to bed shortly. We survived my first day back at work, but not without some drama and a major WTF moment. Alessia woke up at 4:15 to eat, then my alarm went off 15 min later - oh what a joy it is to wake up so early :o( Everything went smoothly - I'll spare you the details of my new morning routine - and my little sticky notes throughout the house helped out. At 6:05, I went up to wake up my pupa and get her into Mark's car. No prob. She was happy and smiley and curious as to what was going on. I gave her a kiss and was proud that I had broken down again. Then I go to open my car door - here's the WTF moment - the door handle looked a little odd. It took me a moment to realize what was wrong. The keyhole cover-thingy (yes that's the technical term) was gone and the lock was exposed. Someone tried to break into my car during the night. Right outside the front door of my building. And I don't even live in a crappy area! And my car isn't even the nicest or most expensive in our development or even our lot! I didn't have anything valuable in there except maybe my EZPass. The creep didn't succeed in getting in and taking anything, but damaged my door while trying to bump the lock. What kind of asshole would break into a car with 2 carseats in the back?! Why??!! And why today of all days??!! Words can't expressed how freakin pissed off and upset I was. Mark stayed behind to call the cops to file a report and I had to take his car and drop Alessia off at my mom's. And that was horrible. I was an emotional wreck, and she just kept crying. My parents met me in the driveway to take her out of the car, because I just couldn't do it. Of course I started balling, called Mark and cried that I didn't want to go back to work. I cried about half of the way there, until Mark changed the subject to my car. Then I spent the rest of the time cursing out the MFer for messing with my car and making me feel violated.
Work went fine - I still have a ton to do tomorrow morning before my students arrive. Alessia had a great time with my mom and didn't seem to miss me at all (as my father so nicely pointed out to me). At least she's dealing with this well. I hope I get better at it.
Okay, off to bed to dream about sweet revenge if I ever find that creep that ruined my morning and my car.
So much for a short post.

Bye bye baby

I've been dreading writing this post, but at the same time needing to do it. Tomorrow I go back to work. I've already broken down twice today just at the thought of leaving my baby and not being able to spend all my time with her. Can't wait to see what I do tomorrow. I know it would be even harder if I was leaving Alessia at a daycare or with someone I didn't know. I'm lucky my mom's watching her. But it's still freakin hard.
It's so funny how you change after having a baby. I always used to say that I give SAHMs a lot of credit because I couldn't do it. I thought I would be bored out of my mind, because that's what my summers were like when after I got married and was home alone. But after being home for the past 4 months with my beautiful girl, I can't imagine going back to work. Who would of thought?! I guess I've really changed since being a mom. I never thought I would breastfeed her, then when I started I figured it would only last until the end of the summer, but here I am with my pump all packed and ready to go to work with me. I envy my friend Danielle who left her job to stay home with her daughter. I wish our summer routine of morning walks and fun daytrips with the girls could go on forever.
I was always so into my work. I would stay in my classroom 2 hours after the end of the day to grade papers, prep, etc just to not have to bring work home with me. And the crazy thing was, I loved it! All I ever thought about was work and my students. This year I haven't even gone to my classroom to set it up. Usually I've already been there 3 or 4 times and the room is done. That's definitely adding to my anxiety about tomorrow. I have to cram into one day what I would usually do over the course of 4 days, and I know my heart just won't be in it and I'll be thinking about Alessia. *Sigh* I can't think about this anymore. I should just go to bed, because with my luck, she'll choose tonight to wake up every 2 hours and I'll be a zombie when my alarm goes off at 4:30 (I have to leave my house at 6 every morning because of the lovely traffic).
I give working moms a lot of credit...I just don't want to be one.

Can I just wear her?

So this morning I was thinking about having to return to work next week. Alessia woke up early - although nothing compared to my future work days - and I was begging her to go back to sleep. How the hell am I going to do this? She still doesn't sleep through the night, and lately has been waking up for a second feeding between 4 and 5. I'm guessing that to get out of the house by 6, I'm going to have to get up either right after she eats at 4 or set my alarm for that time. I'm still optimistic about being able to pump before leaving in the morning and then again at work, but we'll see how that goes and how long it lasts. All I know is that the coffee is definitely going to have to be ready for me in the morning, because there's no way I can live without it. It's funny, I was never really a hardcore coffee drinker before having her. Now I can't get by without my morning cup o'joe and sometimes need another later in the day.

As I was feeding her this morning and talking to her like I always do (I don't care if she can't understand me...it's venting), I thought "how about I just wear you to work?" Nobody cared when she was in my belly, how bout I just wrap her up and keep her on my belly throughout the day? Then I won't have to call 5o billion times throughout the day to see how she's doing. I know I'm crazy, I just don't want to leave her yet! But couldn't you just picture me teaching with her in my mobywrap or batik ringsling? Haha...I'm sure the kids would get a kick out of that and I would get soooo much done :o)

Oh well, a mom can dream, right? I better go get some cleaning done while Alessia takes her morning nap. My mom is on her way to keep her occupied while I attempt to regain some order in this house. Ha! I'll let you know if it actually happens.

Last mommy's group

Yesterday was our last mommy's group at Postpartum Place because I'm going back to work. It was so sad!! That group has been a life saver since I had Alessia. It got me through all the tough times I had with breastfeeding, Alessia's sleep problems in the being, and most recently, heading back to work. Even though it was a major pain in the ass to drive the hour to get there once a week, especially on days when we either got a late start because Alessia woke up late or when she was screaming in the car, it was always worth it. I just wish there was a place like it that's closer to us. But it's definitely one of a kind. Even if I did find another place closer, I probably would still make the trek up there because I just love Maria, Dawn and Sharon. Not only are they knowledgable, but hilarious and make you laugh it off sometimes. Maria especially, so I was so happy to see she was running group yesterday. Our relationship is not over, however. I have their phone number saved in my cell and on speed dial at home, so I'll be calling with any new questions as a venture into pumping at work.

******NEWSFLASH*********
Okay, so I started typing this post around 10:00 while Alessia napped. Since then, it has been pandamonium around here. I decided to pump while she was sleeping, and wouldn't you know it, as soon as I finished, she woke up and wanted to eat. But she was impatient and wanted a quick letdown, which wasn't happening, so I got her a bottle. As I'm feeding her, my aunt calls me - "Call your sister! She called from the airport crying and hung up." Apparently I'm the only one that can call Italy right now. So I call her cell. Let me preface this by telling you that my sister is one of the most independant women I know, even at only 22 years of age. She has travelled internationally alone, which is something I could never do. I can't even eat out alone! She's currently at the airport in Catania (Sicily). They have lost her luggage and she can't figure out what bus she's supposed to take to get to my grandfather's house in Pozzallo - about 2 hours away. On top of that, she's exhausted from traveling and hormonal (PMS), so she's a wreck. I'd be a wreck even without the hormones, so I totally understand. The people at the airport are complete assholes, especially to americans. My sister can get by in Italian, but apparently they're giving her the runaround and she can't find the bus. bHer friend is with her, but doesn't speak a word of Italian. My brother is in Pozzallo, but his cell is not working. So here I am, with Alessia talking away in my ear, and trying to fix this situation from the other side of the planet. I call my grandfather, who unfortunately is going a little senile these days, and has no idea who I am at first (though I never really call there, so the confusion is understandable). I try to explain the situation, then just ask to talk to my brother who I find out has gone to the beach and we can't get in touch with him b/c his cell doesn't work. So here I am, going back and forth b/w everyone - calling Italy, then my mom, blah blah blah. In the midst of this, Alessia poops, so I take her upstairs to change her, only to find that it has shot up the front of her diaper and is all over her stomache. How the hell do I clean that??!! So into the tub she goes - and I've never bathed her by myself before because I'm so afraid she'll slide into the water and drown. As I'm trying to hose her off, the phone rings...it's Mark, and I just freak out at him trying to explain everything, then hang up. Alessia is giggling away, because she thinks this is hilarious and is loving the extra bath. Once she's all dressed again, I call mark to explain everything and apologize in advance for the astronomical phone bill that will be coming. I get back in touch with my sister, who still can't find her luggage, and apparently my grandfather is going to pick her up now. My uncle called him to try to figure everything out, and this is apparently the new plan. Though my grandfather doesn't really like driving that far anymore, so I don't know what's going on. In the meantime, a bus to Pozzallo has come and gone, and the next one is not for another 2 hours, but they still can't figure out where the terminal is. For those of you that are wondering how confusing could it possibly be, let me tell you this: don't envision an airport like Newark or JFK...Catania is a small airport that has recently decided to become an international airport, so it's under construction. Since it's in Sicily, the construction will take FOREVER. It was confusing before they started working, so God only knows what it looks like now. I told my sister to head to a bar as soon as she gets to town and have some drinks. What a day! I'm still waiting to hear from her to see how it all pans out and if she ever gets out of the airport.
As for me...Alessia ate again and passed out. I put her in the little bassinet from her Bugaboo and she's sleeping in the living room. Mommy needs a cocktail!