A long time coming

I've been meaning to write this since the end of April, but, as usual, have not had any time. It's over! No more breastfeeding. It has been very bittersweet.

Let me take you back about a month...

Monday, April 20^th: one week and a day before Alessia's first birthday. I do my usual morning routine: shower, strap on the pump while I brush my teeth and get ready. But... no milk!! So I was forced to send her a bottle of cow's milk (which I luckily bought the night before just so she could try a little before I switched over) At least I had a bottle from Friday for her morning bottle. It was traumatic, as silly as it may sound. I just wasn't expecting to be forced into it. To make matters worse, she wouldn't even drink it at first. I really didn't want to give her milk in a bottle and was planning on introducing it slowly with her sippy cup. My mom quickly gave in and put it in a bottle and had to water it down (gross). I continued to nurse her at 3, bedtime and when she woke at night.

Tuesday, April 21^st: This is what went through my head as I woke up and got ready for work:

Just imagine my pump in place of the fax machine. I was really happy to be free of that thing and washing all the parts every freakin night.

We kept up the PM nursing, then literally right after she had her birthday, she started sleeping through the night. (I have not had a full night's sleep since I was pregnant. Can you believe I'm more tired now when my alarm goes off then when I had to get up several times?)

Fast forward to this past weekend: we took our first roadtrip down to VA for my little brother's graduation. I nursed her at a gas station in the afternoon on the way down, but substituted bottles on Sat and Sun because it was just too difficult to do while we were out and about, especially in a college town. Breastfeeding a one year old is nothing like breastfeeding an infant. It's impossible to do it discreetly – she despises the hooter-hider and pulls it off, and tends to fool around a bit. Then I tried again on the ride home, but she just didn't want it. Instead she thought it would be funny to bite me, blow raspberries, etc. Then she did the same at bedtime. On Tuesday, I decided to prepare a bottle before I brought her up, just in case. After signing milk, I tried to offer her breast, but she just fooled around. I showed her the bottle and asked which she wanted; though she came back to me for a second, she proceeded to point to the bottle, then went for it with a huge grin on her face. Last night I asked her again which she wanted, and she eagerly went for the bottle again :o( I knew it would happen eventually, and although I'm grateful she decided when to end it, I'm sad. We had a rough start, but overall I really enjoyed nursing her and the special bond we had. I especially miss our bedtime routine. But I guess I can't complain – we made it just over a year, and she never had formula (well except for the first couple days when we had issues). And I'm assuming that's how I shed all the baby weight and then some. Although I do wonder if all my weightloss contributed to the low milk supply towards the end or if it was 8 months of not pumping enough each day. On the upside, I can now enjoy adult beverages without worrying about it affecting her!

Anyway...just more proof my little baby's growing up.

Birthday part 2

I still can't believe my little gilr is one! Where did the time go?? I do have to admit, part of me was really upset on Tuesday, because I feel like I got jipped out of the past 7 months with her because I had to go back to work. But then we can't change that, so I just have to accept it and move on. I really would've liked to spend the day with her.

At least she LOVED the presents we got her: Green toys cookware set and Haba sticki blocks. She's been having a blast playing with them since she opened them. I was really impressed to see she can actually stack the blocks (they have pegs, kind of like a wooden version of Legos) I got them both from OompaToys, which I absolutely love. They have a great selection of natural and ecofriendly toys, and a ton of European toys. I think most of the stuff they create over in Europe is just so much more creative than the typical plastic crap we sell here. Mark ordered her an awesome walker from Plantoys, but it turned out to be backordered and won't come in until next week.

So proud - she actually goes for the card first! Here's Alessia enjoying her new toys:

She got a TON of clothes from both my parents and my inlaws, a couple of books from my nephews, a puzzle from my BIL and a bunch of Austrailian and New Zealand classic books and a miniature Kiwi bird.

We're still trying to figure out what to do about her birthday party. It was tentatively planned for the middle of June, partly because I want it outside at a park (ecofriendly theme), but mostly because my grandfather has been in and out of the hospital and rehab (basically a nursing home) for the past 4 1/2 months. He was taken home on Monday, but they had to bring him back to the ER today. I just don't know what to do. I feel a little differently than my family with regards to what is appropriate or inappropriate to do when someone is ill or worse. *sigh* I guess we'll continue to play it by ear. I don't have the energy to discuss it tonight.

Happy Birthday baby!

I know it's almost over, but I had to try to write at least a short little blurb...my little baby girl turned 1 today!!! I can't believe it! It went by so fast. I couldn't take off work today due to state testing, but Mark stayed with her then our parents and siblings came down for dinner cake and presents. I'll be back with more details about our celebration tomorrow, but here's a cute shot for now:


:o( Our best friends Danielle, Pete and Eliza were supposed to join us too, but unfortunately a Coxsackie scare put the kabosh on that. We missed them.
Okay it was a very late night for us, so I'm going to sleep. But I will def be back tomorrow cuz I have lots to talk about - the times they are a-changin around here.

Damn plastic toys!

Ignorance was bliss. Thanks to my dearest friend Danielle, who first opened my eyes to the toxins in our world and has led me to read countless articles and books, I am officially crazy when it comes to toxic plastic toys and cosmetics, etc. The lastest: trying to put together an Easter basket for Alessia. I bought her a beautiful wicker basket, lined with adorable fabric, but it is still empty. I went shopping today to get some fillers. I originally wanted to make her some fabric eggs, filled with all sorts of noise making goodies, but then realized that the only store around me that sells fabric is Wallmart, and I fiercely boycott that store, so refused to go there. Option 2: decorate some wooden eggs. So off to Michaels, but the only had a few and they were way too expensive. Plus then I started to get all anxious thinking about what kind of paint I would use. So I went next door to Target and had an axiety attack in the Easter section. I must've picked up 3 or 4 bags of plastic eggs, but just couldn't bring myself to buy them. I just kept looking at the "made in China" and freaking out, picturing toxic chemicals leeching out into the baby's skin (ala the green cold germs from the Lysol commercials). I couldn't even find anything in the toy section that I could buy her without freaking out. I just don't trust anything that was made in a country that knowingly put a toxic chemical in the infant formula because it was cheaper than putting real protein in it - they killed so many innocent children. And I'm supposed to buy toys from them?? Don't remember if I blogged it, but back in October, I spent almost an hour staring at spoons and bowls in Babies R Us, trying to figure out which ones were BPA free (prior to all the labels). I know that she doesn't really put toys in her mouth, but the two don't differ at all in my mind.
Then tonight one of my sweet neighbors came up with an Easter basket and I just cringed at the site: plastic basket filled with plastic "grass" and plastic eggs. The exact cause of my anxiety attack at the store. And of course Alessia loved it all, especially the "grass". But what was I to do? My family does this to me to - "I know you said no plastic toys, but is this one ok?" as she's given a gift with no receipt. And I'm not going to be a bitch and say no, but you know I'm thinking it. What am I supposed to do? I still haven't figured out what do put in her basket. Or in my cousins' baskets. I can't be a hipocrit and buy them things I consider toxic. Any green, nontoxic ideas?

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that I've had my eyes opened to this reality, but there was a lot less anxiety in my life when I was naive.

Spring Break

Well my spring break is finally here, but someone forgot to notify Mother Nature!! The weather is CRAPPY. Yesterday it poured all day, and today it's cold and miserable even though it's not raining. So much for our daily walks with Danielle and E or a trip to the zoo. But it's ok. I'm catching up on mommy/baby time and when she's sleeping, finally cleaning the house.

I can't believe my little baby is almost 1! 3 weeks from today she'll have her big birthday! This year really flew by. I wish I had been home with her the whole time, but that's life. She just amazes me though. She's still signing (when she wants), but hasn't added any new ones. She responds to a lot though, like the animals - I'll sign horse (her favorite right now), and she'll go get her horse. She is beginning to love music and is quite the little dancer. Yesterday she was rocking out to some Italian rap - Jovanotti. (yea, we don't really listen to "kids" music - I can't stand too much of it) My fears that I would have to feed her her own birthday cake are gone. She has become a pro at feeding herself and just shovels the food in. Speaking of birthday cakes, it has been a source of some disagreements around here. I don't want her to have a "traditional" chocolate cake. I would really like to get or make her a vegan cake since she hasn't had whole eggs yet, and something not too sugary. Any suggestions? On her actual birthday we're going to get together with my parents and my in-laws to have cake and presents, but we're not having her party until June. My grandfather has been in and out of the hospital and rehab for the past 3 months, so I wanted to wait a while in hopes that he'll recover enough to come. And if you recall from the Christening, I have a huge family, so our guest list is looking like around 70 people (adults and children), since we have some good friends with kids that we also want to invite. So I really wanted to have it outdoors, and hopefully will have good luck with the weather in June.

Well, Alessia is up and ready to play, so I'm off! Then we're heading out for dinner to celebrate my FIL's 61st b'day.

Proud mom

really quick post...I have to get work done and finish cleaning up before heading to bed. But I just couldn't wait to blog this...

Alessia has been signing this week!! She started with "fan" (actually she started this sign last week and will not stop). She's obsessed with the ceiling fans in our house. She's beed attempting "light", but having a hard time differentiating it from "fan". Today she signed "more" repeatedly during dinner, then "bed" and I swear she attempted "book" after her latte. She's blowing me away!

Ok, got it out there, now I have to run! Can you tell I'm excited?

What happened to February??

When did it become the second week in March?!? No idea where February went. Actually I do...I was trying to balance work and being a mom. It's not going well. I had to stay home from work today, so I'm taking a moment while Alessia naps to catch up on my thoughts and (hopefully) commenting on the long list of posts in my reader. (I can read them at work, but can't comment. I'm still here though!)

Ugh. Today I was thinking about how completely naive I was about motherhood and working moms before I became one. Yes, I was guilty of being that "non-mom" that couldn't understand what my working mom coworkers and friends were talking about when they said they didn't have time to do anything. Or why they couldn't get their act together at work and come up with their own plans. Man, I was an ignorant bitch, even if I never voiced my opinions and just kept them to myself. Being a working mom SUCKS. Don't get me wrong, being a SAHM is hard work and exhausting in its own right. But I would give anything to be able to stay at home with my baby. It's a completely different type of exhaustion trying to balance work and mommyhood, and I feel like one of them always suffers. And for me, it's definitely work that's suffering. I hate it. I used to love teaching. I was a workaholic, staying late everyday. Now I dread going in. I'm beyond exhausted and after 6 months of this craziness, it's taking its toll on me. I have no time to do anything, unless I take time away from being with my daughter. That's not an option for me. I love being a mom. I love playing with her, sitting and reading books with her and just holding her. I don't want to miss this time to type lesson plans or grade papers.
Can't remember if I've mentioned it before, but I spend an average of 10-12 hours a week in the car commuting to and from work and picking up Alessia from my mom's. That's if there isn't ridiculous traffic on the highway (it once took me 3 hours to get home with a screaming infant. Had to stop on the side of the highway 3 times. It was horrible!) I can't take it anymore. On top of that consuming a ridiculous amount of time, since I'm still breastfeeding, I have to pump in the morning before going to work, then again during my prep at work (the only time I have to get things done, or rather don't have), and then take the time after she goes to sleep to wash all the freakin parts. I can't express to you how much I despise my pump. I would love to smash it to pieces when I'm done with it - just like the guys in Office Space and the copy machine.
For anyone that knows anything about breastfeeding and pumping, you know that you should ideally pump every 3 hours: typically 3 times during a work day. My schedule only allows for one time. So what has that done for me? After 6 months of not pumping enough (and not drinking enough and probably losing too much weight), I can barely get enough milk for Alessia's two bottles while she's at my mom's. That brings us to today. Flipped out this morning when I was barely getting anything after 15 min. Alessia doesn't drink formula and we haven't started cow's milk yet (she just turned 10 months a week ago), so I have no backup. I couldn't send her to my mom's with no milk, so I took a family sick day to stay home and be able to feed her. Is that ridiculous or what? I have some cooworkers that poke fun at the fact that I'm still pumping, and it pisses me off. They have no idea how hard it is. I can't do this with the next baby. I have to stay home at least a year so I don't have to pump. But that's a whole other long post. Ugh. I hate living in a country that makes it so difficult to be a SAHM (at least living in this area). or even give us a long enough maternity leave. *sigh* How do other moms do it?