Monday, September 1, 2008

Bye bye baby

I've been dreading writing this post, but at the same time needing to do it. Tomorrow I go back to work. I've already broken down twice today just at the thought of leaving my baby and not being able to spend all my time with her. Can't wait to see what I do tomorrow. I know it would be even harder if I was leaving Alessia at a daycare or with someone I didn't know. I'm lucky my mom's watching her. But it's still freakin hard.
It's so funny how you change after having a baby. I always used to say that I give SAHMs a lot of credit because I couldn't do it. I thought I would be bored out of my mind, because that's what my summers were like when after I got married and was home alone. But after being home for the past 4 months with my beautiful girl, I can't imagine going back to work. Who would of thought?! I guess I've really changed since being a mom. I never thought I would breastfeed her, then when I started I figured it would only last until the end of the summer, but here I am with my pump all packed and ready to go to work with me. I envy my friend Danielle who left her job to stay home with her daughter. I wish our summer routine of morning walks and fun daytrips with the girls could go on forever.
I was always so into my work. I would stay in my classroom 2 hours after the end of the day to grade papers, prep, etc just to not have to bring work home with me. And the crazy thing was, I loved it! All I ever thought about was work and my students. This year I haven't even gone to my classroom to set it up. Usually I've already been there 3 or 4 times and the room is done. That's definitely adding to my anxiety about tomorrow. I have to cram into one day what I would usually do over the course of 4 days, and I know my heart just won't be in it and I'll be thinking about Alessia. *Sigh* I can't think about this anymore. I should just go to bed, because with my luck, she'll choose tonight to wake up every 2 hours and I'll be a zombie when my alarm goes off at 4:30 (I have to leave my house at 6 every morning because of the lovely traffic).
I give working moms a lot of credit...I just don't want to be one.


Dana said...

you'll be ok.... hopefully you can be a SAHM, if that's what u want!! rest easy knowing your baby is in good hands!!! stay strong... you'll both do great - i know it!!

Danielle said...

I have ben thinking of you all day-especially after the phone call this morning. Everything will turn out just fine. Call me!!!!